Pygmy Kangaroo
Witness, the "Pygmy Kangaroo". I discovered this unfortunate parody article on Wikipedia this morning, and tagged it for deletion. I say unfortunate, because it managed to stick for 10 days!
Look at this bizarreness:
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Scientific classification
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Mammalia
Subclass: Marsupialia
Order: Diprotodontia
Suborder: Macropodiformes
Family: Macropodidae
Genus: Macropus
Species: Richnelson
The pygmy kangaroo was an experiment gone horribly wrong by Dr. Ian Wilmut, creator of the Dolly the Sheep experiment, which coincidently resulted in lots of dead sheep. It's "indigenous" to portions of the Kimberly outback region of Australia, where drunk aboriginals insist it has existed and infested their numerous bars for generations.
Horribly Wrong Creation
The well-known creator of Dolly the Sheep lost his notoriety after Dolly died of her numerous cancers, and grew bored quickly. The popular children's indoctrination program "Pocket Monsters" inspired him to try to create his own battle monsters and potentially asfixiating traps for said monsters. After inventing the poscket bear-trap, he deemed it necessary to genetically engineer something to have it's leg severed by afforementioned bear-trap.
After several days of excrutiating constipation, he was informed that he must lay off of the red meat, particularly that of endangered marsupials, or interpol would break his legs. He decided that bite-sized kangaroos would solve both problems, and quickly set to work slaughtering the necessary creatures. The project was funded by the publishing of a little known (or cared about) book called "The Green Hills of Australia", in which he graphically depicted an incident in which he bludgeoned a baby koala to death. This would have created controversy, but again, no one cared. When questioned by some drunk australians who claimed to have read the book, Wilmut simply responded that Hemmingway was dead, and he could do whatever he damn well pleased in a continent too intoxicated to notice.
Several weeks later, Wilmut denied all claims of trying to create a pokemon, and the project was thought to have ended. However, this is probably crap, seeing as how the Kimberly region of Australia is currently infested with a new bear-trap resistant rat that has a penchant for urinating on anyone that appears inebrieted. The whole of the Aboriginal people are calling for a mass extermination.
Habitat
The newly dubbed pygmy kangaroo was introduced to a complete hell hole known as the Australian continent. Particularly, the Kimberly outback is where it thrives, though mass exterminations are currently being called for. While environmentalists and Michael Crichton agree with them, the Aboriginals, being a nomadic group, do not possess the funds necessary for this course of action. Crichton has offered to help, though he is recovering from a near lynching from a mob of angry environmentalists, and also refuses to spend his money on anything but his many settlements with journalists and his collection of various cacti related "play things".
Diet
The most detrimental aspct of the pygmy kangaroo is that they survive primarily off of maggots and scavenged peanuts. Seeing as how maggots thrive in the hell hole known as the Australian continent, the pygmy kangaroo seems to be quickly changing the Kimberly outback's unpredictable semi-arid pseudo-forest environment into a glistening example of nature similar to that of Yellowstone Park. The area's inexplicably growing number of nomadic bison are quicly running out the Aboriginals. The diet of the pygmy kangaroo is supplemented with deteriorating nuts, which there is now shortage of in Aboriginal vomit. Enough said.
Predators
Funnel web spiders, baby crocodiles, and the generally herbivorous koala are all major predators of the pygmy kangaroo, though this does not harm there numbers. Remember how in Jurraisic Park they filled in the dinosaur DNA with that of a-sexual frogs and wound up with a-sexual female dinosaurs? Wilmut somehow found DNA from those things in "Alien". Koalas across australia are suddenly blowing up and having small kangaroos burst from their entrails. Tourism of the nation has dropped 92%.
Attempts at Population Control
Dr. Wilmut's suggestion for population control is to simply convince Kentucky Fried Chicken to add a side of kangaroo to every order. Australian government officals have since quit explaining to him his current level of retardation. There seems to be some confusion in the Aboriginal communities, however, since their plan is simply to spread agent orange. They insist it worked on those "damn chinese monkeys", and that it should work on a bunch of stupid rats. While environmentalists accross the board are disgusted, the Russian government has noted that an inebrieted Australian president has phoned them requesting a large number of the chemical.
So far, the most efficient method has been to herd them north. Apparently, there is an unclassified species of penguin currently living in the Indian Ocean. And apparently, they enjoy eating the pygmy kangaroo like kippers.
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The article had all the appropriate wikilinks, and templates, and whatnot, so I guess people only glanced at it briefly, and thought it was legitimate. But every word is offensive nonsense: I'm impressed that they got it to stick for so long.
(Original article, here, though don't be surprised if an admin has gotten to it by the time you read this.)
Labels: Pygmy Kangaroo, Wikipedia
posted by Echuck215 at 7:49 AM
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